Oh, how often does a parent hear the words, “I hate you!”?  How often does a kid hear, “When you are 18, THEN you can do what you want, but until then…”?

The clashes, the fights, the anger, the hurt feelings.  How do you find peace?  How do you get through to your kids and get them to understand that you aren’t doing things to make their lives miserable or to hurt them?  Where do kids and parents go to find answers when it seems that there are none?

Being a Gramma, I have my own life experiences to draw from.  I remember what my life was like as a teenager and I remember my life as a mother raising a teenager.  I have the benefit of seeing BOTH sides of the equation.  The main problem seems to be: 1) It seems that nobody wants the advice from an old lady; 2) The wall.  That wall that says, “just because it happened to you it isn’t going to happen to me”.  I can’t help but laugh at that one because when I was young, I said and felt exactly the same!  I think that every single person on the face of the planet has said or thought that at one time or another when they were young.  And, it’s true—that is exactly what we think when we’re young.  Heck, when we’re young, we think we’re invincible and that nothing can touch us.  It seems that it isn’t until years later, when we’re tackling our own kids or some other issue, that we smack our foreheads, get this look on our faces like we’re in excruciating pain, and utter those dreaded words…”Oh my gosh!  My parents were right afterall!” 

We try our best to get our kids (or grandkids) to understand that they are not invincible and we don’t want them to make the same mistakes that we made.  But, as parents, we have a tendency to be over-protective at times and not allow our children to grow into who they are going to be.  We think we’re helping if we restrict them from things.  We think we’re protecting them from the cruelties of this mean and unforgiving world if we keep a tight reign on them and control every move they make.  That’s what we want to do as parents—protect.  We do have a tendency to go overboard with our children at times.  Sometimes when we restrict or ‘control’ we are causing more harm than good; but ya know…as parents we can only do the best that we can do.  Yes, we probably will make mistakes with our kids, just as our parents made mistakes with us.  The hard part is finding the balance.  We can’t be overly strict and we can’t be overly lenient, either.  How do you find the balance?  I will be completely honest and say that the only place I have been able to learn where balance is in any area of life is in my faith in God and in His word.  I was never able to find the answers in self-help books (and I read MANY of those).  I was never able to find the answers in psychology (because that is nothing but a bunch of psycho-babble that is nothing more than human-error-guesses. (yes, my word)  NOBODY aside from our Creator can understand the human psyche——IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!) 

And what about the kids?  What about what goes on inside the minds of our children?  There are times when we have to remember our lives at their age and how we felt in a particular situation, and then try to put those emotions, desires, and struggles into the parenting role to figure out the best course of action.  THAT is not easy!  Our brains tell us that WE are the parents and THEY are the kids and they are to do what we say, when we say it, and how we say it.  Embarrassingly, I have to admit that my husband and I had that particular mindset most of the time when our daughter was at home.  We had been more controlling and unrelenting in our demands of our daughter than we should have been.  We were unreasonable in many areas.  We were parenting the way we were parented…and deep inside we knew it wasn’t right, but we didn’t know any better.  It breaks my heart that it wasn’t until years later, after she was grown and moved out on her own that I began to see the truth about things.  I have many, many regrets; but one of my biggest regrets is that she and I did not have the relationship that I so desperately wanted to have with her. 

But, in reality, our kids have responsibilities, too…and it is not just to be respectful and mind, etc.  Our kids have the responsibility to sit down and discuss with us what is going on inside of them and in their lives.  If our kids don’t talk to us, we don’t know.  Kids and parents MUST communicate the same as husbands and wives have to communicate and we have to communicate with others in other relationships.  Without communication a relationship cannot survive.  We don’t have kids to order them around and control their lives——-we have kids to have relationships with; to teach moral values, to help grow into a functional and productive member of society.  Do we always do it right?  Absolutely not!  There is no such thing as the perfect parent and there is no such thing as the perfect child.  We are fallible human beings who make mistakes, have regrets, and try to do the best that we can do in this life we have been given.

Sometimes it sucks being a parent—especially if you feel that you just cannot connect with your children.  Especially when you feel like you are doing the best you can and you still aren’t respected.  Especially when you do and do and do and you feel like you do not get any appreciation for all of your hard work and you don’t receive any help from anyone.  Especially at times when you feel that everyone uses and uses and takes for granted everything that you do.  Especially when you try to connect with your children and feel that they just push you away.  Especially when your children say very hurtful things to you because they didn’t get their way or get what they wanted.  Yes, sometimes it does suck being a parent.

But, sometimes it sucks being a kid, too.  Although you are still a child, you think that you’re all grown up and should be allowed to do whatever you want, whenever you want.  It sucks when you aren’t allowed to do something that you think everyone is allowed to do.  It sucks when you feel restricted and not allowed to do anything.  It sucks when privileges are taken away because you’ve done something you were told not to do but did anyway.  It sucks when you have to do chores that you don’t want to do.  It sucks to have to go to school.  Yes, sometimes it sucks to be a kid, too.  But, take a look at your life and all that your parents do that have kept you safe, kept a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and clothes on your back.  Be thankful for your parents instead of resentful.  Be positive and not negative.  Be grateful that you have people who care enough about you to not let you do whatever you want, whenever you want.  As kids, you don’t realize how those times when you thought your parents were being ‘mean’ or unreasonable, they may have just kept you from having something horrible happen to you.  It is hard to stop and think about your parents’ feelings and about consequences to your actions, but trust me—–if you don’t, you are only going to cause yourself a lot of grief.  It sucks to be a kid, sometimes. 

Parents and children alike need to learn to communicate, relate, and be considerate of each other—not just children with parents.  Relationships are a two-way street.  A one-sided relationship will never work out.  It takes more than one person to really make a relationship work and having relationships is hard work; no matter what kind of relationship it is.  It all takes a great deal of effort and sacrifice on every side.  We have to sacrifice what we want and let go of how we feel to have any kind of a bond.  It takes effort and sacrifice to put another person above ourselves.  Being unselfish and giving goes completely against our human natures.  It all takes much conscience effort, but it is so worth it in the end. 

As the old saying goes, “Anything worth having is worth working for”.

Good evening